When disagreements arise, whether over where to order takeout for lunch or the best way to handle a thorny project, the goal isn’t to have a winner or loser but to find a solution that satisfies all parties involved in the debate.
“Many times people go into negotiations thinking it’s a zero-sum game, and the only way they can be proud of themselves is if they take all,” says John McAdam, managing partner of Pioneer Business Ventures and author of The One-Hour Business Plan Foundation. That’s not the case for McAdam: “For me, the best deals are those in which my partner wins, their clients win, then I win—in that order,” McAdam says.
When conflicts arise in the workplace, it’s particularly important to implement conflict resolution strategies to find a path forward. Otherwise, situations simmer, and the result could be a nasty feud, a valued worker departing the company, hours spent reviewing the dispute with colleagues and managers or other outcomes that don’t benefit your organization.
Better still is to find a path toward a peaceful resolution, which helps restore functional, amicable relationships and productivity. The goal of resolving workplace conflict is not to ignore the situation, nor is it to choose a winner (and then, by default, a loser), but rather to negotiate a truce.
If coming to a truce seems easier said than done, use these negotiation tips and techniques to learn how to handle disagreements and settle on a solution that makes everyone happy.
Gather Information
To resolve a workplace conflict, you’ll need to understand its root cause. That is, you’ll need information and lots of it. Start by asking questions of all parties involved, aiming to focus on facts rather than emotion.
Figure out what makes both parties tick. You’ll want to clearly define what both parties want, and have also determined your own goal. Do your homework. “You’ll get a flavor of the company and the person, and see what their priorities and passions are,” McAdam says.
If you’re negotiating directly with someone else, walk into the meeting with a list of three things you want in the deal and three items you believe the other party would like. If you want to negotiate a truce between colleagues, ask them to engage in this exercise.
Aim for De-escalation
Conflicts and disagreements can lead to heated language and raised voices; neither is conducive to negotiation. Instead, emphasize the benefits of staying calm and composed to everyone involved. Some de-escalation tactics include:
- Breathing exercises
- Counting to three before speaking
- Restating what the other person is saying before speaking
- Using affirmations before the conversation
These conflict resolution strategies can help lower the temperature, making communications less confrontational, which is key to a successful negotiation.
Use All Communication Tools
When there’s a conflict, you’ll want to harness all your communication skills. Three key tools include:
- Active listening: Hear more than what a person says; listen with empathy and understanding, reflecting what you’ve heard through your body language and response.
- Engaging in Empathy: Step into the other person’s shoes. Rather than seeing the person on the other side of the conflict as an enemy, try to imagine their point of view. (If you’re working with others to negotiate a truce, encourage them to practice this exercise.)
- Consider body language: A head nod as someone speaks can be so meaningful, as can rolled eyes or crossed arms.
Above all, do not interrupt, and make sure other participants do not interrupt. Interrupting can indicate that a person is only waiting their turn to speak and isn’t truly listening. It’s also rude.
By listening closely and focusing on gaining an understanding of the other person’s position (rather than entirely on knocking it down), everyone involved can feel more heard and understood, which are the building blocks required to resolve conflict.
Find Common Ground
When people are amidst a conflict, it’s easy to focus on the areas where they disagree. “Always” and “never” statements can dominate, with people saying things like, “You always show up for that meeting late,” or “You never prioritize such-and-such project.” These kinds of blanket statements are typically untrue and unhelpful. This may make the opponent focus on exceptions (“What about that time I was five minutes early for the meeting?”) or feel offended, which likely won’t lead to a truce any time soon.
Encourage people who are engaged in a disagreement to find common ground. Remind them of what they have in common, such as a passion for the job or a desire for a project to succeed. Finding common ground can lead to resolution.
Kevin Harney, former Principal and CFO of Stalco Construction, recalls needing to drastically reduce costs to survive the Great Recession. “In order to execute our plan, we needed to grow our marketing budget from $20,000 to $250,000 by 2009. To find that money, we renegotiated all our nonessential services. We said, ‘We don’t want to lose your service. What are you willing to do so you can keep your bills paid, just like I need to pay my bills?’”
Many providers that Harney turned to were able to find room to cut what they were charging. “We make sure our vendors and employees understand our business works on small margins, and winning a bid can come down to a quarter of a percent. If everyone understands, it makes small changes easier.” The shared understanding and the fact that he was doing so during a shared challenging economic period (and not during boom times) enabled him to negotiate. That is, being ethical with your negotiation tactics makes a difference.
Be open-minded and creative. “With small businesses, there are a lot of considerations aside from the price of goods,” says Kevin Corley, professor of management and head of the Management & Entrepreneurship Department at Imperial Business School in London. Try saying this: “I can agree to keep the monthly retainer the same if you agree to bump up the hours of service.”
Develop a Mutually Acceptable Agreement
When there’s a conflict, neither party may get everything they want. However, the final resolution or agreement needs to be acceptable to everyone involved.
Encourage everyone involved to embrace compromise. It can sometimes be helpful to identify “musts” and “nice-to-haves” on both sides. This could lead to more alignment than the individuals involved expect.
It can also be helpful to determine your bottom line. “Know what your alternative is if you have to walk away from the negotiation,” says Corley. “It is a very powerful position.”
When you can find common ground, or areas where individuals’ values or priorities overlap, it can transform negotiations from a battle into something more civil.
The Power of Peaceful Resolutions in Conflict
Navigating conflict and negotiating a truce are challenging tasks that are best avoided if possible. Look for ways to maintain smooth communications and ward off future conflict by practicing these negotiation tips even when there isn’t a dispute:
- Understand the other person’s priorities and the root issues of the conflict.
- Listen carefully and with empathy; aim for calmness above all.
- Be prepared to compromise.
- Look for areas of agreement between the parties in disagreement.
Bottom line: With a bit of adaptability and some strong communication skills, you can get past a conflict in the workplace—or play a valuable role in helping colleagues negotiate a truce.
Photo from stock.adobe.com
