They say the perfect relationship doesn’t exist, and maybe they’re right. But happy and healthy ones do. They might not be flawless, but with love, work and dedication, they’re meaningful. Looking at the traits of healthy relationships can serve as a helpful reminder to put your best foot forward in making your relationship great. Seeing what’s worked for others can also help strengthen your own. Strong relationships often share certain characteristics and positive qualities that make them what they are.
Signs of a Strong Relationship
Knowing what makes a relationship great can help you focus on what matters most. You can, then, help your spouse feel more respected and happy to be in your presence. Here are 15 things strong relationships have in common:
1. You Love One Another.
“When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance.”
—John Lennon, In His Own Write
Bring a little love into your life and the lives of others, and watch it work miracles. You can write down three things you love about your spouse every day to rekindle the love and keep it at the forefront of the relationship. Share it with them for extra bonus points.
2. You’re Devoted to Each Other.
“So if, God help us, we are ever tempted / to ditch our marriage when it’s lost its glow, / let’s give the thing our finest spit and polish— / and, having learned our lesson, not let go.”
—Melissa Balmain, Love Poem
Relationships go through their ups and downs, but devotion allows a strong relationship to flourish despite the bumps you encounter along the way.
3. You’re Kind to Each Other.
It’s safe to say you should be as kind as you can to everyone you come in contact with. That said, it can go an especially long way with your partner.
Let’s say your partner is feeling down, and you offer a kind word. Maybe it’s just a casual, “How are you today?” or “How did you sleep?” Maybe you take a minute or two to listen and really hear what’s on their mind. Your few moments of attention could turn their day around. You might even help them feel more worthwhile and important, strengthening your relationship.
4. You and Your Partner Appreciate Each Other.
The Golden Rule, essentially stating, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” might sound like common sense—until you reflect on your own daily interactions. You’ll find that the idea of taking a moment to sincerely appreciate where your counterpart is coming from isn’t actually all that common and can be harder said than done.
5. You Pay Attention to Each Other.
Setting aside even just a few minutes each day to give your undivided attention to your partner can make a world of difference. We all want to feel validated in our experiences, and sometimes all it takes is a little extra attention. Listen, ask questions and let your spouse feel heard.
6. You’re Selfness with One Another.
Putting your partner before your own needs shows them how much you value them as a person and within your relationship. We guarantee that in doing so, you’ll both end up being cared for and supported.
7. You Share a Common Purpose.
The most meaningful relationships are those held together by a common purpose and vision for what they can accomplish. When people have a common purpose, they feel bound together, like they are part of a team.
So even when you might be disappointed in the person you are in a relationship with, if there is a purpose, such as raising children, caring for a pet or running a business together, you are much more likely to stick it out. Purpose creates bonds. And when you seek it out, the relationship becomes better and stronger.
8. You’re Open with Your Partner.
Communication and openness with your partner allow them to be aware of how you are feeling, what you are thinking and vice versa. The good way to be open with your partner is to tell them how you are feeling as soon as that feeling arises. Don’t wait to see if it goes away. Talk about it and communicate with each other so you can start working on solving that problem. Waiting to see if the problem will fix itself won’t get you anywhere fast.
9. You Understand Each Other’s Love Language.
“Love is a way of life. Love is a part of who you are so that when a person encounters you, they’re going to feel love,” says relationship expert Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages. “The reality is many times people may reciprocate, but that is not the objective. The objective is to enhance others’ lives.”
Make that your objective with your spouse, and you might just find yourselves living happily ever after.
10. You’re Adaptable.
Developing adaptability helps you understand how different people like to be treated. It does not mean imitating the other person’s behavior, but it does mean adjusting your behavior to align with the other person’s preferences.
The effectively adaptable person is able to meet both the other person’s and their own needs. They know how to negotiate relationships in a way that allows everyone to win. With adaptability, you practice the spirit of the Golden Rule and can treat other people how they want to be treated.
11. You’re Empathatic.
Empathy is one of the most important characteristics of healthy relationships, whether at work or with family members or friends. “If you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even if you don’t agree, then you can often see the issue from their perspective. This will then open the door for collaboration and communication,” says Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., ME.d, and family, relationship and child development expert. “If you are busy defending yourself, then you can’t hear what the other person has to say.”
12. You’re Able to Forgive Your Partner.
Holding on to baggage weighs heavily on any relationship. When left unresolved, resentment, disappointment and frustration erode trust and drain our spirit. You know you have a great relationship when you can express your feelings and let it go. Forgive shortcomings and failings. Support one another. Learn from the experiences you face and move on.
13. You and Your Partner Take Ownership of Your Relationship.
Realize that this is your life, and no one but you can take responsibility for the results you are getting. Honestly assess where you and your partner are. Do you like it? How is your level of intimacy, connection and fulfillment? What still needs work? Talk about your relationship and plan to make it even better going forward.
14. You Grant Each Other Time Alone.
There is absolutely no need to feel guilty about spending time alone. Independence and quality relaxation are good for couples, no matter how close their connection is. After taking the time to do things that make you both feel refreshed, you’ll return feeling renewed and lucky to be in a balanced and healthy relationship.
15. You Have Fun Together.
All good spousal relationships have some fun element that brings enjoyment. Oftentimes, however, this key element can be easily forgotten or neglected. After a while, the fun things we initially did in a new relationship can be taken for granted or simply fall by the wayside, and we stop creating that fun and joy. So remember to consciously craft fun situations and moments, for these are the glue that holds our memories together and makes our lives sweet.
Embark on a Path Toward a Strong Relationship
Listing relationship must-haves that you want to incorporate and learning from strong ones can help you make yours a great one. You can show up in your best self for you and your partner. It might not happen overnight, but committing to improving daily can result in a vibrant, healthy relationship.
This article was published in February 2017 and has been updated. Photo by Diamond Dogs/iStock.com
